Anonymous asked: Why are you not on facebook?
I deleted my Facebook. And I feel so alive!
Feel free to call/text or email, whoever you are. We can be real friends!
1 week ago on May 19, 2012 at 11:09am
Sometimes I think they don’t really make men like George Bailey anymore.
Other times I think they never made men like George Bailey.
And every now and then I pretend they have, and they still do, and one day I’ll meet one and we’ll like each other a whole lot.
2 weeks ago on May 12, 2012 at 08:38pm
A crow sits on the head
of a scarecrow. I see myself in that.
Which part of fuck off don’t I understand.
Leonard Gontarek, “Crow, Scarecrow”
1 month ago on April 16, 2012 at 10:25am
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a fife.
1 month ago on April 07, 2012 at 11:35am
Whatever our bowls are made of, his and mine are the same.
1 month ago on April 05, 2012 at 03:21am
Weekend Realizations:
1. ’90s music videos are full of people standing on windy cliffs.
2. We are all alone.
3. Chocolate truffles.
4. Also, truffle: the only food name that can be found at both ends of the tastiness scale.
1 month ago on April 01, 2012 at 11:55pm
Facts are bigger in the dark.
Anne Carson, Autobiography of Redlet’s just say…
1. …i discovered that Adele album at the right time.
2. …no amount of ornate lamps can fix this.
3. …i’ve even begun procrastinating things i want to do.
4. …i actually cried when i realized my tv antenna doesn’t pick up PBS.
5. …i’m googling him again.
6. …today someone said i was wearing “the mullet of outfits” in a good way.
2 months ago on March 21, 2012 at 09:34pm
What’s on Local Television Tonight:
1. Masters of the Universe (He-Man)
2. The INSANITY: 60-Day Total Body Conditioning Workout DVDs infomercial
3. A movie starring The Rock
4. A roller derby championship
2 months ago on March 20, 2012 at 07:44am
Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are to blame.
2 months ago on March 12, 2012 at 06:59pm
Celebrities I Loathe (and Their Most Offensive Attributes):
1. George Lopez (Lopez Tonight, “jokes”)
2. Mariah Carey (face, album covers, comportment)
3. Kathy Griffin (voice, every role ever, seeming unkillability)
4. Channing Tatum (facial expressions, face, general image, face)
Note: i cannot put Ann Coulter on this list because i receive too much enjoyment from hating her. i can’t even stay mad at her. she looks like she really loved horses in middle school but her mom wouldn’t let her ride them.
3 months ago on February 21, 2012 at 11:22pm
Roles in My Life I Prefer Fat People Filling:
1. Personal Chef
2. Grandma
3. Girl Who Is Trying to Steal My Boyfriend
4. Dependable Tough-loving Bartender
5. Elementary School Nurse
6. Fairy Godmother
7. Winner of Swimming Pool Cannonball Contest in Which I Place
3 months ago on February 20, 2012 at 03:16pm
so a guy walks into a bar,
but the rest of the joke doesn’t matter because the guy is a total babe.
3 months ago on February 17, 2012 at 02:44pm
Plath said, “There must be quite a few things a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them,”
but she was drunk at the time and actually meant vegan ginger chicken cubanos from Atlas Cafe.
3 months ago on February 08, 2012 at 02:04am
New York sidewalks are filled with Zax.
the next time someone bumps into me, i’m going to say “look here, now i say! you are blocking my path. you are right in my way! i’m a North-going Zax and i always go North. get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!”
3 months ago on February 01, 2012 at 09:44pm
