Anonymous asked: Why are you not on facebook?

I deleted my Facebook. And I feel so alive!
Feel free to call/text or email, whoever you are. We can be real friends!

1 week ago on May 19, 2012 at 11:09am

Sometimes I think they don’t really make men like George Bailey anymore.

Other times I think they never made men like George Bailey.


And every now and then I pretend they have, and they still do, and one day I’ll meet one and we’ll like each other a whole lot.

#video  

A crow sits on the head
of a scarecrow. I see myself in that.
Which part of fuck off don’t I understand.

Leonard Gontarek, “Crow, Scarecrow”
#poetry  

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a fife.

Whatever our bowls are made of, his and mine are the same.

Weekend Realizations:

1. ’90s music videos are full of people standing on windy cliffs.

2. We are all alone.

3. Chocolate truffles.

4. Also, truffle: the only food name that can be found at both ends of the tastiness scale.

#list  

Facts are bigger in the dark.

Anne Carson, Autobiography of Red

let’s just say…

1. …i discovered that Adele album at the right time.

2. …no amount of ornate lamps can fix this.

3. …i’ve even begun procrastinating things i want to do.

4. …i actually cried when i realized my tv antenna doesn’t pick up PBS.

5. …i’m googling him again.

6. …today someone said i was wearing “the mullet of outfits” in a good way.

What’s on Local Television Tonight:

1. Masters of the Universe (He-Man)

2. The INSANITY: 60-Day Total Body Conditioning Workout DVDs infomercial

3. A movie starring The Rock

4. A roller derby championship

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are to blame.

Celebrities I Loathe (and Their Most Offensive Attributes):

1. George Lopez (Lopez Tonight, “jokes”)

2. Mariah Carey (face, album covers, comportment)

3. Kathy Griffin (voice, every role ever, seeming unkillability)

4. Channing Tatum (facial expressions, face, general image, face)

Note: i cannot put Ann Coulter on this list because i receive too much enjoyment from hating her. i can’t even stay mad at her. she looks like she really loved horses in middle school but her mom wouldn’t let her ride them.

#list  

Roles in My Life I Prefer Fat People Filling:

1. Personal Chef

2. Grandma

3. Girl Who Is Trying to Steal My Boyfriend

4. Dependable Tough-loving Bartender

5. Elementary School Nurse

6. Fairy Godmother

7. Winner of Swimming Pool Cannonball Contest in Which I Place

#list  

so a guy walks into a bar,

but the rest of the joke doesn’t matter because the guy is a total babe.

Plath said, “There must be quite a few things a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them,”

but she was drunk at the time and actually meant vegan ginger chicken cubanos from Atlas Cafe.

New York sidewalks are filled with Zax.

the next time someone bumps into me, i’m going to say “look here, now i say! you are blocking my path. you are right in my way! i’m a North-going Zax and i always go North. get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!”